Its been a few months and I just reviewed my last posting... Wow. Im so disappointed that I havent moved on yet. From anything. How sad. I kinda have valid reasons for a few things, but no excuses!! I gotta own up to it and do something about it. So heres the latest.

Love. So SM and I are back together again. Back and forth, back and forth. When will it end? A decision needs to be made. And it needs to be made soon. I thought it was over, but my dear old mom convinced me otherwise. And I just gave into his groveling. I love him, I really do. But man its just so hard. Theres so much more that I want that I dont think he can give me. Which is a good segue to the next discussion...

Marriage. As my mother has recently reminded me.. Im not getting any younger. Nah, really !! So now shes pressuring me into marriage and children. Where the hell did this come from?? I mean I really want to. I want the dream wedding. But it all leads to Im not comfortable with SM to marry him. As Ive said before, if all you needed was love - then it would be fine. But its everything else that scares me. And now I feel like marriage and weddings are all around me. I have a friend who just got married. And Im so HAPPY for her. She finally did it. After a few bad attempts, this one was a keeper. Its so surreal. And another one I think is gonna get engaged pretty soon. Probably within the next 6 months. And then I have another friend who is in the midst of planning her wedding for next year. So Im up to my eyeballs looking at wedding stuff with her. I really enjoy it. I guess Im living vicariously through her. Theres so much out there that I would love to do in my own wedding. Hopefully I will get to do it one day. Most importantly ...hopefully I will get to marry the man of my dreams who will be able to love me and support me, and vice versa. Cross your finger everyone. :>)

Work. As usual work sucks, but you get over it. Theres lots of changes going on. New organizations, new roles. Hopefully all the changes will lead to better opportunities. Even if they dont, I know I have a backup plan. Once I hit my 5 year anniversary.. Im outta there. At this point Im just way too close to walk away now. And the biggest thing that occurred in my life is the biz. A few of the girls and I have formed our own biz. Finally after alot of talk.. we did it. Im so proud of us. We officially launched 10 days ago. For one solid month we worked our asses off putting everything together.. flyers, business cards, website, refernces, protocol. Now its just all about marketing and handling our clients. I cant wait til we get off our feet. Im sooo excited about this venture. Weve invested so much into it..we will make this company successful. And its been a very cool experience. Forming everything from scratch, brainstorming, skating :>), drinking lots of Frappacinos, and using lots of big & made up words. We feel like were really being challenged doing all this. Its so refresshing to feel the motivation and be really proud of what youre doing.

Friends. This was such a touchy subject with me a few months ago. But now I think Ive let it go. Life is too short to hold grudges. I realized I can be too sensitive sometimes. Im not saying Im 100% at fault. But I am saying that you have to give people a chance. Weve all grown up and friendships evolve. You just need to adapt. I guess Ive learned that I have/had really high expectations from some people. Unfortunately you can always expect them to live up to it. Ive learned to be self reliant before. This time around, Ive learned to accept things may not be as they were before, but continue to cherish those relationships. And it feels good. To hang out with them was just so nice. While there is a happy ending in most situations, that does not always hold true. NJ and I recently saw each other at a mutual friend's wedding. Unfortunately nothing came of it. I actually had the intention to speak to her. But after seeing her try her damdest to avoid me, I let that intention go. I realize its a shame, but in this situation I dont know what else there is to do. On other note.. Ive really realized that the people I work with mean alot to me. Weve all gotten very close over the years. They are the reason I go to work. They are what make the working environment bearable. Im very glad they came into my life.

Vacations. I did end up going to the 'homeland.' It was a very relaxing trip. Not too eventful, but extremely relaxing. I got a taste of the city, the province, and a beach resort. So it was cool. Going there always allows me to forget about everything here. Its a totally different way of life there and you get used to their way of life. While its not my ideal vacation, I did like it. My definition of vacation is being at a loss of time. And that was accomplished. So its all good. Hopefully next year I will get to go to other destinations. And maybe I can even squeeze in a few weekend trips before the end of the year.

So thats my update of the past few months. I cant believe September is almost over. I still refuse to believe that summer is over. I had so much fun in the beginning of the summer.. all the festival and fairs. Chicago is the best city to be in over the summer. But for some reason after I got back from vacation, I didnt continueto take advantage of the rest of the summer events. Which is why I still want more. Hopefully there will continue to be fun activities in the fall and winter. Till next time..